Secondly, are you two compatible? A lot of relationships start out pretty well but soon enough both parties realize that they have nothing in common. Nada. Zilch. But they usually don’t understand what really happened, so when asked why they broke up, you’ll hear something like, “we just drifted apart” when in essence they didn’t“ he just doesn’t get me anymore” when the fact is he never did. A lot of the time because of the lovey-dovey feeling that accompanies young love at its early stages, the parties are blind to all else (including the person they are dating) but the feelings the person is evoking in them.
I’ll be honest and tell you, that there are very few things as amazing as the feeling that you get when you are in the early stages of a relationship. It is a beautiful feeling and quite heady too. When you are constantly talking to the same person about yourself, and what kind of future you see for yourself and oxytocin is coursing through your brain, you feel like nothing bad is ever going to happen to your relationship but like with every other hormone, oxytocin increases and reduces and it is usually when it reduces that you realize that you don’t have anything in common with that person and you really aren’t compatible at all.
You should know how compatible you both are before you enter into that relationship and you should also know that compatibility doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to have the same interests. You just have to respect each other’s interest and support it.
Third, do you see yourself marrying that person? I know this sounds so serious but a relationship is a serious thing. So personally, what I do is that I try to envision myself married to that person. Usually, the mental picture you generate in your mind when you ask yourself that question is all the answer you need to know whether or not you should date that person. If you know he/she is not marriage material to you, why would you want to waste each other’s time by going into something you see no future in?
Fourth, are you completely healed from past relationships? How do you think you are going to be able to make a relationship work when you are still hurting from a past relationship? Hurt people, hurt people. It may not be intentional but when you are hurt, you don’t think before you act, you react. It’s a very natural mechanism that our mind uses to try and protect us from more hurt. It’s called instinct.
So when your new boyfriend does something that slightly reminds you of your ex, instead of you to react to what he did, you will find yourself reacting to what your ex did that your present boyfriend repeated in all innocence. In essence, you’re punishing him for something he knows nothing about. And that is not fair. Deal with situations independent of any lingering feelings of anger for your ex.
To be continued… Again 😀.